“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.”

Your commentary was helpful and insightful, and I hope you don’t mind that I shared it on facebook as well. blessings to you.

Although I know that for the most part we’re going to have to agree to disagree about Lent, I did read a wonderful devotion about Lent that may interest you.

http://www.thehighcalling.org/reflection/lenten-invitation-draw-near-god

In my own practice, each year God convicts my heart regarding an idol to submit to Him during Lent–never anything so simple as chocolate or ranch dressing. One year it was my computer use. One year it was television. Last year it was non-Christian reading materials. Each time I gave these things to God during Lent, He lessened each idols’ hold upon me in ways that have lasted years and allowed me to open my heart to Him more each year. And one Lent probably twelve years ago, He convicted me about speaking to my children in a certain tone of voice–all too easy to fall into with a newborn and toddlers racing about underfoot, and when I gave this bad habit up for Lent, God empowered me to rarely ever speak to my children in that unkind tone again.

Lent is my favorite time of year. Yes, we are to listen to God every day, confess to Him every day, place our idols at the foot of the Cross every day, but somehow doing so during Lent is sweeter, more concentrated, as we look forward to Holy Week and the remembrance of Christ’s death and resurrection. That’s just the way I’ve experienced Lent–a most precious time of the Christian year for me.

No one has to celebrate Lent–certainly not!–but we aren’t commanded to celebrate Advent or Christmas either, yet we do because these holy days provide us opportunities to share the Gospel, to remember all that Christ has done for us, brings us more heartily into His Word, etc.

I have found that celebrating Lent an excellent way to start conversations about faith with nonbelievers, one way (certainly not the only way!) to draw closer to God–a sort of spiritual spring cleaning, mucking out the dusty corners where I hide my sin from myself and others–until He sweeps it out into His light where I can’t hide it any longer.

Blessings,
Susanne

I appreciate the thoughtful review of my book, and for what it’s worth, I agree with much of what you had to say.

When writing the book, I struggled to find the right terminology for the spouse who remains dedicated to the health of the marriage, his or her own shortcomings notwithstanding. In my experience, as you have noted, there is no such thing as an “innocent victim” in a failing marriage. And trying to assign fault can be like unwinding a baseball. In retrospect, I probably should have created a section to define my terms a little better, especially that of the “upright partner.”

While both partners contribute to the demise of a union, there are many situations in which only one truly wants the marriage to work. The upright partner is the marriage partner who desires the marriage to continue, whereas the wayward partner has declared he or she does not, either by stating so, or through continued and/or unrepentant sinful behavior. I chose “upright partner” because it presented the least problems, not because it perfectly described the more dedicated individual.

It might help to keep in mind that the book is aimed at marriages in which the sinful behavior is plainly evident, such as adultery, substance abuse, abandonment, etc. Many other marriages struggle to overcome sin that, while serious and sometimes bizarre like the example you provided, they do not present an immediate, impending, obvious threat to the union. Therefore, the redemptive divorce process would not be the right approach apart from this extreme situation.

I was motivated to right the book after encountering many people who experienced the same difficulty I faced. We have programs to help strong marriages thrive. We have resources for troubled marriages in which both partners want to repair their struggling union. And we have help for people recovering from divorce. But, to my knowledge, we–as leaders in the local church–have nothing to address the all-too-common problem of a walkaway spouse or the stubbornly unrepentant spouse in sin.

Sadly, the book also lacks a section on what comes next. (Another hindsight revelation.) In the quiet that follows the confrontation and the period of separation we HOPE will be temporary, the remaining spouse must begin working on his or her issues, answering the question, “What is my part, and how can I be a healthy partner should my spouse choose restoration?”

What my wife and I have discovered after publication of the book is that a whole field of opportunity has opened before us. It’s uncharted territory, ripe for discovery, begging for answers to new questions. And we are beginning the process of researching and studying the maze of issues and opportunities. Despite the book’s many shortcomings, it is shifting the paradigm ever so gradually. Now, at least, we can discuss something other than a plain, old, give-up-and-try-again divorce.

Thanks again for the thoughtful review. I welcome additional discussion, either here or on my forum at http://www.markwgaither.com.